hello readers,
yesterday after hanging out a little too late than I planned, I got on the train on West 4th street to take the F straight home. When I looked at the time, it was 1:45 ish am. The train took forever to come. When it did, it was the E train on the F,V line. I assumed that it was the E running on the F line as it sometimes does on late nights and got on it. I forgot to check to make sure that the last stop is 179th place and not Jamaica center. So I got on it and did what I always do best, FELL ASLEEP! I also fell asleep since I did not sleep a wink the night before. My arm for whatever reason was hurting like a mother.... and I was extremely lazy to take an Advil, not that it would have worked.
I woke up to find the train passing Queensborough Plaza. I was super pissed because I really thought the train would have been in at least Roosevelt Avenue by then. I, of course went back to sleep and woke up to find out the E train was going towards Jamaica Center. In order for me to go home, I would have to take the E towards Manhattan and get off on a stop where I can transfer to the F going towards 179th street.
I decided to get off on the next stop since I only had to take it one station up in order to transfer. The train took FOREVER to get to the next stop. Who knows why since it was super late at night. Oh did I mention that all through out my train ride and even before I got on the train, I had to pee like it was nobodies bidness'!!
Finally the train comes to that stop and I stand on the opposite end waiting for the E Manhattan bound. But of course the train takes forever to come. Also, I think there was like less than five people on the platform, three of them being homeless and two out of those three were knocked out on the bench. Finally the train comes but it's going towards the last stop which is three stops away. I get so impatient and annoyed that I decided to take the next train to the last stop and wait for it to head back towards Manhattan.
Thank God, the train didn't wait too long to head back out again. I get on it after debating that it will indeed take me towards Manhattan. Just to make sure, I ask this young Asian girl who is sitting next to a senior citizen if it's heading back towards the city and she asks me to sit next to her.
The next chapter will be in dialouges as it is the best way for me to write it. CA is short for Crazy Asian.
Me: Excuse me, but do you know if this train is heading back out towards Manhattan?
Crazy Asian: oh, um, hi, (shakes my hand) could you please like sit next to me?
Me: (thinking: okay maybe she's scared since it's very late and wants some company and maybe the old guy next to her is creeping her out) sure. (I say.)
CA: Hey, do you have pen and paper?
Me: Yes, I do (I had a pile of resume which I printed from work. I take out the resume and immediately she sticks her hand out for a pen, which I give to her as well.)
CA: Could you like write down your name, address, phone number and email on this paper?
Me: ummmm why?
(At this point the crazy Asian turns the paper over and sees that it's my resume and i'm scared shitless because it has my name, address, telephone number on it. I also think maybe she wants to sell me something. Few years back this girl asked me for my phone number because she said her company was hiring. Later I found out that it was one of those pyramid schemes. I thought maybe she needs it for her pyramid scheme.)
CA: Oh, because i'm like lost and stuff, can you help me? Do you believe in God? Are you a Christian?
Me: (nope, NOT a pyramid scheme but a psycho) no, i'm not Christian.
CA: Oh, what are you then?
Me: I'm Muslim.
CA: (looks a bit disappointed) okay well can you still write down your name, address, phone number and your facebook info.
Me: I can give you my name and email.
CA: What about facebook?
Me: I don't have facebook.
CA: What about your cell phone number?
Me: I'm in the process of getting a new phone and don't have a number. But i'm offering my email.
intermission: If you're pondering why I didn't just go to a next cart, it was because I was scared to leave. I didn't know what this girl was on, but I didn't want to push any buttons by leaving and have her run after me with a knife. Also, I had some sane people on the train so I felt a little safe and realized if i'm really in trouble, than they'll help me. They were just minding their own business. I'm also terrified of switiching carts because I always think i'll fall. I was also getting off at the next stop so I decided to tough it out.
Also, she didn't look psycho when I first saw her. She had her hair dyed blonde, had a bunch of piercings, looked clean and was wearing clean clothes.
CA: okay well here write down your info.
Me: (as I write down my email and name she asks me again about my cell phone number and again I tell her that I don't have one. After I'm done writing my number, I tear the piece out)
CA: (screams) WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THERE'S STUFF WRITTEN IN THE BACK?
Me: (nervously) oh you don't need that big of a paper, it's garbage. Here, I wrote down my email and name.
CA: Are you serious?
Me: (scared shitless) what?
CA: That was your resume? You can't give me your resume?
Me: Sorry, can't give you my resume, but look I gave you my name and email (I proceed to sit across from her instead of next to her)
CA: You can't give me your resume, I need a resume, why won't you give me your resume?
Me: sorry (I take out my book and start reading)
CA: What are you reading?
Me: (I heard, "what are you eating?") I'm not eating anything.
CA: You can't give me your resume, I don't have a resume. I need a job. I won't copy it, I promise.
Me: Okay, i'll give you my resume, but i'm going to tear the top apart.
CA: Okay, that's great, thank you so much
Me: (i'm in the process of taking out another resume and ripping out the top where I have all my personal info.)
CA: (screams) Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: no
CA: What's your sign? I'll tell you your horroscope? When is your birthday?
Me: September 2nd.
CA: What year?
Me: 1894
CA: So you're a...
Me: Virgo (finally ripped out the top bit of my resume and hand it to her)
CA: (looks over my resume) shit you used to work at Key Food?
Me: Yea, years ago.
CA: Are they hiring? Do you know if they are hiring?
Me: I guess so, I don't know.
CA: How do I get there?
Me: Take the 2 or the 5 to the last stop Brooklyn bound
CA: okay so I have to transfer in Union Square.
Me: Yes.
CA: How do I get there?
Me: I don't know, you can ask someone where the Key Food is once you get out.
CA: Okay how do I get there? Do they have a phone number?
Me: I don't know, I worked there years ago. Just go and ask. And you take the 2 or the 5 to the last stop.
CA: Oh okay so I take the 6 uptown?
Me: YES
CA: How long like how long will it take me to get there from Flushing?
Me: I don't know, two hours I guess. Why don't you go and apply in the city.
CA: NO! I need to work at Key Food, i'm going to go there tomorrow.
Me: (relieved that it's my stop) okay good luck, bye.
I get off the train and go upstairs to transfer to the F. Turns out that in order for me to do so, I have to exit and pay another fair and enter on the Queens bound side. The only way I don't have to pay a fair is if I take the next Manhattan bound E,F train, go to the next stop where I can cross over without paying.
I hold back my tears and my pee and go downstairs and pace around. There is absolutely NO ONE! not even a soul on that platform. I swear as i'm looking deep into the tunnel and trying to conjure all my superheroine powers to call a train, I see a black shadow shaped like a man emerge from the dark tunnel and disappear into the next track. I decide to stop looking and sit down and continue reading my book. Since I have trouble sitting still, I get back up and look to see if I can conjure up a train again. All of a sudden, this elderly man comes from one end of the track and goes towards another end of a track. At this point, I'm over being scared and just want to go home and pee!
Finally the train comes, I get off on the next stop and wait for the F train. A few minutes later this young, blonde girl wearing a pink short skirt comes down and waits a few steps ahead of me. (Disclaimer: the following sounds aweful, but you'll understand if you ever go through what I went through.) While she was waiting and there was a homeless guy with a huge garbage bag waiting a few steps away from me, I started to think "okay, if they want to get someone, they'll probably get her first, because she's wearing a short skirt. My cleavage is covered and i'm only showing a quater of my legs so I should be fine.)
All of a sudden, I look and she's not there anymore. I know I would have heard her going upstairs. She couldn't have taken another exit as there was no other exit in front of her. Finally I see an MTA employee with a vest and get some form of relief. The train comes, I get on it, get to my stop. I get upstairs and almost kiss the ground.
As i'm walking towards my bus stop, I relized I can't take the bus. I've been underground for so long that my transfer expired. I only have fifty cents on my card and will have to put in money in order to take the bus. I refuse to go back down into the subway so I decide to man up, hold my pee and walk home. All through out my walk, I was wishing that I was a guy so I could have picked my favorite hydrent and went.
Finally got home! I needed some comfort so I shared my leftover mushroom lasagna with my sister who was up. I stayed up with her for a little bit, told her about the psycho Asian and went to sleep. Oh and I pee'd! Let me tell all you fine readers something here. There is no joy, I mean absolutely no joy than peeing after being forced to hold it for several hours. NOT even your wedding day, not even your first born can bring you so much joy than to finally pee!
Does anyone know how I can change my tittle? I want to change it from "I Heart Brooklyn" so something more meaningful.
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